Alcohol & abuse
“It only happens when he drinks.”
“She can’t handle her drink.”
“He’s like a different person when there’s no alcohol around.”
We hear stuff like this all the time. Well, you know what? Alcohol doesn’t cause violence. Alcohol can be a trigger for violence. Alcohol can be a factor when violence or aggression happen. But alcohol is not an excuse for toxic behaviour.
“It was alcohol’s fault…”
If you or your partner have ever become aggressive or violent when drinking, remember: the only person responsible for harmful behaviour – whether physical, emotional, verbal or otherwise – is the person who chooses to carry out the harmful actions.
Anyone who’s drunk has made a choice to drink. Plenty of people are perfectly capable of drinking alcohol without becoming abusive. If you know you’ve hurt people before when drinking and you choose to drink again, you must take responsibility for your behaviour if you end up hurting someone again. No-one forced you to drink. No-one forced you to kick off.
Beneath the surface
Alcohol helps us releases our inhibitions. It can give us the confidence to show sides of ourselves that usually stay beneath the surface. If you’re shy, this might mean you gain your voice. If you’re seething with rage, that rage might bubble up over the surface.
If you’re violent when you’re drunk, it’s probably down to frustrations or anger in your life. Think about what might be happening in your life – or what might have happened in the past – to make you feel this way and consider seeking professional help to work through those feelings when you’re not drunk.
If your partner gets aggressive or violent when they drink, blaming the alcohol can put you in danger. Violence within relationships often escalates – and you never know what might happen next time.
What next?
If you’re scared of your partner when they drink – or you’re worried about talking to them about how much they drink or the things they do when they’ve been drinking – you might be in an unhealthy or toxic relationship. Need to talk things through with someone? We’re here to listen whenever you’re ready.